Space & Time

There is this place that I sometimes revist just to see if I’ll see you there. Not because I’ve seen you there in the flesh but because I dreamt you were there. It was like it was in real time. Maybe I have seen you there but the memory has escaped me. Or maybe it was always just a dream. I remember the dream though as if it’s was real. I knew I was dreaming but I wanted but was desperate trying to hang on and stay there just to see how the end turned out.

Now I stare at that place when I visit. Often wondering if it’ll one day come to pass. Will I one day see you walking down that sidewalk to see me or will you fade away like in the dream? The closer you get the more you fade until you’re eventually gone.

Sometimes, you could catch me standing on that corner leaning against the building waiting. Just watching for you, hoping.

I wonder if you ever dream the same thing or of the same place as I do? Does it look the same, do we look the same? If you ever visit a place where you might find me walking towards you. Do I fade away or become more vivid? Do we ever connect? Do our energies reach for eachother pulling us together? Would your heart skip a beat as mine does? Does your breath quicken or your ears ring? Or does everything feel as if nothing else exists around you or blurs because you focus only on that moment?

I stare down this alley looking at where the graffiti on the wall used to be or where there was a poem that was written. I used to imagine it was being left for me to read as if the universe was trying to tell me something or that my destiny was written. The feeling the poems used to give me how they made me feel. Always so beautiful, so intriguing, so heart felt. I used to look forward to going there just so I could see if there were new words. Something new I would discover or learn about you. About the person who would one day cross my path. The art work of the alien ship, or the sun. There was such mystery.

It got less and less until one day I felt like it was gone and not returning again. Maybe it was a sign, maybe I was witnessing a cruel trust of fate. The end result of what we would be perhaps. Close every so close but then eventually fade from one another.

Maybe that’s why I’ve always looked to the stars those bright, brilliant, falling stars. Maybe that’s why I’ve always been drawn to the comets. So bright until they eventually fade. There’s something beautiful and powerful in it. I don’t think I could explain fully why, it’s just how it makes me feel. Maybe I secretly hope that there will be one that refuses to fall, refuses to burn out.

Then there’s that void that I feel like I’m always out running. Where I touch you and I see something tragic, something unbearable. I keep moving faster so it never catches up to me. If I stay ahead of what’s there, there is no tragedy. The star can’t fall, the comet can’t fade away until it’s gone. It makes everything feel lonely when it falls or fades away. There’s a quiet stillness in it. Most might cherish the quiet stillness. I think it’s dark, lonely, and empty. It’s like a vast space of nothingness. There’s nothing beautiful about it. It’s just there void of any life. Not that you can’t have a moment of peace or quiet. But to live in that permanently like floating through space with nothing but still and quiet? I’d rather be designing a spaceship that can out maneuver huge rocks in an astroid belt and survive most anything.

I don’t like the chaos of the asteroid belt but it’s necessary if you want to learn how to survive it. I’m not afraid of the rocks I just have to build a better ship to learn navigate them as I travel through.

I still smile when I pass that street, walk on that sidewalk or pass that alley. It’s been one of my favorite memories of life. A blessed moment in time. Even if fleeting.